Ephesians 1

This was on the back of another reading I pilfered from the missal a few weeks ago:

"May the God of our Lord Jesus Chris the Father of glory give you a Spirit of wisdom and revelation resulting in knowledge of him.  may the eyes of your hearts be enlightened, that you may know what is the hope that belongs to his call, what are the riches of glory in his inheritance among the holy ones, and what is the surpassing greatness of his power for us who believe, in accord with the exercise of might, which he worked in Christ, raising him from the dead and seating him at his right hand.."

It reminds me of what I said here the other day about listening to God speaking in my own heart.  In the last year, I've become more attuned to the language of hearts, I think.  Maybe my intuition just leveled up a notch (oh what would Eggerichs, of Love and Respect fame, say about trusting in my female intuition?!).  But I think that, with prayer and leaning on God, with some good counsel from other people, filtered and taken with a grain of salt, my heart knows what is right for me.  And what is right is what will lead me closer to Him.  The other cool side effect is that I think I've become more in tune with what is in other people's hearts and I've been blessed with a greater understanding of what is really going on.  This makes me feel a little more grounded and secure with other people, which are both things I struggle with because of a past of being used, disposable, and invalidated.  Even in the last month, I feel like I can feel inside of other people's hearts more.  Whether it's hurt or aggression or whatever, I am more confident that I'm picking up on what's in there.  Not with everyone, but in general.  The only downside is when I feel like I know what's inside and it's not making its way out.  This is helping me with my kids, too.  The word "conduit" just came into my head again.  I remember writing about this earlier this year somewhere.  Being a conduit for higher communication or understanding.  Knowing that this stuff isn't just coming from me.

It's very cool and feels like a gift... I just don't know what to do with it.  Not yet.  And like all gifts, it can be kind of heartbreaking sometimes.

I also know that God speaks to me through literature and teaching, which only makes sense.  Yesterday, I was writing about the idea of calling and the small handful of things I feel I've been called to do in life.  One of them is teaching.  So it seems logical that God would speak to my heart and lead me to His will through this calling.  It is the path by which many many blessings have come into my life, mostly in the form of people and ideas and personal growth (And laughter.  So much laughter.  Joy.  Hardship.  Gosh, everything!).

So today, he spoke to me through quotes a kid put in his essay.  Both are Dostoevsky:

"One ought to love not for a chance moment but for all time."

AND

"For people are created for happiness, and he who is completely happy can at once be deemed worthy of saying to himself: 'I have fulfilled God's commandment on this earth.'"

I'm curious about the Russian translation of "happy" and if, like in English, there are other words like joy or if the word he originally used for "happy" has other connotations.

Anyway, I'm not advocating hedonism by any stretch, but fulfillment?  Yes.  Joy?  HELL to the yes.

Turning toward our heart's truth, toward authenticity, toward God, toward joy, toward LOVE.  It's all connected.  Maybe it's even all the same thing, at the very root.  I don't know.  But I'm putting my feet to the pavement to get there and find out.