Scraps

"Mommy." she said with absolute force like the word was a decision, "I have a ca-razy idea and I know you're going to love it because you're crazy."

There is much value in watching good movies over and over.  They become like barometers against which you can measure your state of mind.  We watched Frozen tonight and, in between balancing Nora and the 2.5 foot tall dinosaur stuffed animal she insisted on cuddling, and reading all her little books to her, I was able to notice which parts of the movie tugged at me in the person I am on this night.

I think about the father and his insistence on concealment.  What a foolish king!  And how much the concealment of the powers created the fear that made the powers harder to control.  I just thought about how hiding what we perceive as our problems creates so much anxiety and stagnation.  We can't learn our way through something if we try to bury it.  Maybe it hurts and we break stuff.  And maybe the badness doesn't go away, but we also won't be able to uncover any goodness, because everyone knows our strengths and weaknesses are closely intertwined.  Elsa didn't learn that love was the key to thawing the kingdom until after she let her freeze powers just go freely and flow out of her.

Tonight was the first time, I think, that the scene at the end of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" when both sisters are sitting against opposite sides of the same door choked me up.  Usually it's the part where the parents' ship goes down, but I sailed (ha) through that part just fine.  No, it was the sisters hurting near each other but not with each other that made me feel that tightness in my throat.  I felt so bad for Anna, who kept returning to the same closed door for years on end.

And I haven't been able to figure out who I most identify with in this movie until tonight.  But it's definitely Kristoff.  Because my reindeer and I were adopted by a bunch of small boulders, but I never really put the connection together before.  This is why rewatching is so important!

Finally, I have been wanting to write a lot of more academic essays-- for example about how sports' function is closer to art than pure competition, or about how relevant this satirical essay from 1711 is today and why.  The idea of the "blanks of society" and all... When can I take a sabbatical year and write all the writes and make all the makes?!  Ha.  Guess I'll just have to be choosier about where I sink my time in the meanwhile.  As long as the ideas keep coming, too, I know I'll feel okay.  It just adds to that itchiness, though, you know?