Every intention

I am starting a 500 words a day challenge.  Good luck to me.  So far, I began by "writing" but what happened was that I read an article on Life as a Nonviolent Psychopath.  And now I have a hot date with folding laundry and re-watching select episodes of Walking Dead.  Oh, life.

I'm not going to publish this post, though, until I get these words out.  =)

And I'm back, dedicated to you words.

So the last few months of my life have been forcing me to look harder and push through muddy thoughts to articulate my thoughts, my emotions, and my struggles.  It’s been impossibly hard, good, terrible, uplifting, and humbling, like all periods of growth tend to be. While some things are not resolved, I am beginning to get some clarity and one thing I’m more and more clear about is my need for connection.  Lately, the goal has been to not just sit on that clarity and keep it locked away into a journal.  Oh no, friends, you know how much this little Helenka likes to take action.  So I’ve got some friend dates on the calendar and am making the energy and time and effort (ahem, as in bumming a ride off someone) to go hang out with work people on Fridays after quittin’ time. 

I’m still working on backlogged emails and letters.  I’m still in that odd state of avoidance for some things – you know, like when it’s been so long that you don’t want to say something unless it’s good or unless you have the time to be there to respond.  I used to hate that excuse in other people.  I hate it in myself, too.  Doesn’t stop me from using it, I guess.   Ha.

But this has been good for me.   It’s good for me to see how just great the friends in my life are.  And it feels right and comforting to put some more time into them than I have been.  You know, I’m incredibly blessed to have a surplus of good people in my circle.  And there are so many of them I’d like to spend more time with and know better.  There are so many who energize me and make me feel joyfully alive.  And there are so many I want to be there for.  I need to be mindful of engaging with people when I can honor them with time and attention to let a conversation go where it needs to.  It’s hard to do that at work when there are so many bells, interruptions, things to do right at three…. All the more reason to hang out outside of work. 

And all of this extends to my children, too.  This weekend was so nice in terms of connecting with them.  It could be longer, sure.  There are things we never got to do.  But it was good. 

Alright, well, I’m learning about these five hundred words.  I need to be more awake when I sit down to write them!  Goals! Goals! Goals!