I really need something tall to climb so I can hide out for a while in the sun. Sigh.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Monday, September 14, 2015
Blessings
Today was an incredible blessing of a little more time, a healthy dinner (that I didn't have to make-- Thanks, C), great probing spiritual questions from my students, amazing (and unexpected) testimony and conversation from a woman I admire, Christ speaking truth through other people, offering encouragement to others via SheReadsTruth, re-reading words of love, getting progress reports in just in case, playing barbies and dinosaurs and sonic-boom-rabbits with my kids, and a decent night of sleep last night to fuel this baby-pushing enterprise that could be underway any minute now.
Clumps of hair came out in the shower today, which means my hormones are already shifting to post-partum mode. This waiting is such an amazing thing. I am so in awe of my body, and I hope that my body understands that I recognize its power over me so there is no need to go into labor in the middle of the night. Hear that, body?
Clumps of hair came out in the shower today, which means my hormones are already shifting to post-partum mode. This waiting is such an amazing thing. I am so in awe of my body, and I hope that my body understands that I recognize its power over me so there is no need to go into labor in the middle of the night. Hear that, body?
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Pregnancy
Celebrating the end of 38 weeks of pregnancy. I am forever grateful for my Evolution Yoga and all their love and support. I went to class, overwhelmed, fearful, and tearful the day I took the test in January. I went to class on Monday to celebrate Labor Day. I'm planning to go again tomorrow if Moe isn't here yet. Each opportunity to show up brings me new understandings of myself, my body, and what it means to transfer what I learn in yoga to what I know about life.
Also grateful for a good friend, K, who shared this blog post with me. I hope C and I can find our way through this pregnant pause. We've done a terrible job at it so far this pregnancy, but we have a little more time, don't we? And we should use it well.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Self indulgent
Detox bath
Reading a great book on the Jesus Prayer
Taking with C instead of grading
Reading article of social commentary on line
Taking a preggo selfie
Reading a great book on the Jesus Prayer
Taking with C instead of grading
Reading article of social commentary on line
Taking a preggo selfie
Sleep.
#earnedit
Monday, September 7, 2015
Reclaiming
Before tonight got rough and heavy and all those other adjectives I so often use to me "ick," I was driving home from the grocery store and writing a soaked-in-gratitude blog post for this day.
I know that the wording and flow of it are gone now, much like my patience, energy, and ability to find more reserves of those depleted emotional fossil fuels are pretty much gone for the day.
Grace and peace. Grace and peace. Grace and peace.
So this morning, I was once again appreciating my desire for a car, someday, with a zippy strong engine. No little four cylinder thing, no. I want to drive with some power so I can feel the engine grip the road as I accelerate onto the freeway. Oh, it feels so good even just switching from the Corolla to the van. Someday, I'm gonna drive powerfully. I remember feeling this way when I was getting ready to buy my first car in college. But practicality, price, gas mileage all took precedence over muscle. Someday, probably far away. I'll be like "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena."
Side note, a few weeks ago, I walked past a restaurant with live music. The band was playing oldies-- and one in particular when I walked by. I remember thinking "Oh wow! I really like that song and I always forget about it. I should go download it when I get home." Haven't been able to remember the song since then. Bummer. However, I really appreciate that a band was still bothering to learn it because it was a more obscure song. Something with "cupid" in the lyrics... which really narrows down the songs it could be from 1950-1970,
At the grocery store, I stood in line admiring the way I put my purchases on the conveyor belt. I try to be mindful of the cashier and how they have to bag the groceries, so I do what I can to put up groceries to make that easier for them. Today it seemed like I nailed it and I watched with appreciation of the cashier's efficiency and fluid movement as he scanned and bagged my items. It's one of those little things he may not have even noticed, but I just hope it made his day a little easier, let him think a little less so he could day dream a little more. Or maybe so he could just feel the flow of his work and appreciate that fluidity in himself.
I stopped watching him bag my groceries when a small reunion took place behind me in line. A young woman and her new husband were in town visiting from Connecticut. She spotted a high school classmate in the next line and they exchanged details of their lives. She works for Sikorsky ("They make helicopters," she explained just in case) now and her classmate works for a mortgage firm. I felt this rush of hometown pride in these two who help people touch the sky and work toward better lives in new homes. How wonderful to hear them doing much with their lives and so early.
Then I was walking out with a loaded cart, grateful my back wasn't in agony and overwhelmed with gratitude that I could provide a full cart of groceries for my family. I'm very behind with work right now and it's stressful. But it's a combination of a necessary evil as I work to get maternity leave plans in place and the fact that my sister was visiting from out of town for the first two weeks of the year. I had to prioritize her and also getting my own kids settled into school routines because family and people matter most. But now I'm crazy behind and it's weighing on me. That stress diminished for a few moments when I powered up my legs to push the cart up the incline to my car. Each spark of muscle fiber firing to remind me that I'm so blessed to have work that matters to me, work that allows me to provide food and medical care to my family. Blessed to be able to drive to the store and load this food into my car instead of hauling it onto a bus or subway.
Then singing in the car on the way home. That was good too. Windows down in the heat to let it wash over my skin. Then I came home, anticipating a movie night with the fam... and from there things kind of fell apart. But until that point, it was alright. And someday maybe it'll be alright a little more of the time. That's my prayer. That and grace and peace. Someone once told me I was the most gracious person ever. I wasn't sure exactly what he meant and it was bad timing to ask, but it was one of those compliments that sticks with you, you know? Grace and peace. Grace and peace.
I know that the wording and flow of it are gone now, much like my patience, energy, and ability to find more reserves of those depleted emotional fossil fuels are pretty much gone for the day.
Grace and peace. Grace and peace. Grace and peace.
So this morning, I was once again appreciating my desire for a car, someday, with a zippy strong engine. No little four cylinder thing, no. I want to drive with some power so I can feel the engine grip the road as I accelerate onto the freeway. Oh, it feels so good even just switching from the Corolla to the van. Someday, I'm gonna drive powerfully. I remember feeling this way when I was getting ready to buy my first car in college. But practicality, price, gas mileage all took precedence over muscle. Someday, probably far away. I'll be like "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena."
Side note, a few weeks ago, I walked past a restaurant with live music. The band was playing oldies-- and one in particular when I walked by. I remember thinking "Oh wow! I really like that song and I always forget about it. I should go download it when I get home." Haven't been able to remember the song since then. Bummer. However, I really appreciate that a band was still bothering to learn it because it was a more obscure song. Something with "cupid" in the lyrics... which really narrows down the songs it could be from 1950-1970,
At the grocery store, I stood in line admiring the way I put my purchases on the conveyor belt. I try to be mindful of the cashier and how they have to bag the groceries, so I do what I can to put up groceries to make that easier for them. Today it seemed like I nailed it and I watched with appreciation of the cashier's efficiency and fluid movement as he scanned and bagged my items. It's one of those little things he may not have even noticed, but I just hope it made his day a little easier, let him think a little less so he could day dream a little more. Or maybe so he could just feel the flow of his work and appreciate that fluidity in himself.
I stopped watching him bag my groceries when a small reunion took place behind me in line. A young woman and her new husband were in town visiting from Connecticut. She spotted a high school classmate in the next line and they exchanged details of their lives. She works for Sikorsky ("They make helicopters," she explained just in case) now and her classmate works for a mortgage firm. I felt this rush of hometown pride in these two who help people touch the sky and work toward better lives in new homes. How wonderful to hear them doing much with their lives and so early.
Then I was walking out with a loaded cart, grateful my back wasn't in agony and overwhelmed with gratitude that I could provide a full cart of groceries for my family. I'm very behind with work right now and it's stressful. But it's a combination of a necessary evil as I work to get maternity leave plans in place and the fact that my sister was visiting from out of town for the first two weeks of the year. I had to prioritize her and also getting my own kids settled into school routines because family and people matter most. But now I'm crazy behind and it's weighing on me. That stress diminished for a few moments when I powered up my legs to push the cart up the incline to my car. Each spark of muscle fiber firing to remind me that I'm so blessed to have work that matters to me, work that allows me to provide food and medical care to my family. Blessed to be able to drive to the store and load this food into my car instead of hauling it onto a bus or subway.
Then singing in the car on the way home. That was good too. Windows down in the heat to let it wash over my skin. Then I came home, anticipating a movie night with the fam... and from there things kind of fell apart. But until that point, it was alright. And someday maybe it'll be alright a little more of the time. That's my prayer. That and grace and peace. Someone once told me I was the most gracious person ever. I wasn't sure exactly what he meant and it was bad timing to ask, but it was one of those compliments that sticks with you, you know? Grace and peace. Grace and peace.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Daniel 10
Chapter 10
10-12:
Verses And behold, va hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, wman greatly loved, xunderstand the words that I speak to you, and ystand upright, for znow I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12 Then he said to me, a“Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you bset your heart to understand and bhumbled yourself before your God, cyour words have been heard, dand I have come because of your words.
Again in 19:
19 And he said, o“O man greatly loved, pfear not, peace be with you; be strong and of good courage.” And as he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.”
2 Cor 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For themweapons of nour warfare are not of the flesh but have odivine power pto destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and qevery lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to robey Christ,
10-12:
Verses And behold, va hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, wman greatly loved, xunderstand the words that I speak to you, and ystand upright, for znow I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12 Then he said to me, a“Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you bset your heart to understand and bhumbled yourself before your God, cyour words have been heard, dand I have come because of your words.
Again in 19:
19 And he said, o“O man greatly loved, pfear not, peace be with you; be strong and of good courage.” And as he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.”
2 Cor 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For themweapons of nour warfare are not of the flesh but have odivine power pto destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and qevery lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to robey Christ,
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Tear stained
Because words without action hurt worse than just no action.
I marvel at how much a heart can keep breaking.
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